If you're giving advice to someone falling out of love and you feel normal, telling them how to feel is completely wrong. Likewise, if you're giving advice to a depressed person, realize that they're in a completely different state than you. Give them time and send them strength.

(And yes, I know I've been a hypocrite in this area before.)

To all the girls at the Irvine Spectrum

I don't actually need to see your shirt opened up and your bra exposed. If you're showing everything, I assume that you are deeply insecure (which is not a crime, but not being aware of it is). You're probably high maintenance, accustomed to crowds of weak men doing what you want them to do and lazy about actually carrying your weight in a relationship.

If you've got it, you don't need to show it. If you've got it, I'll be able to tell. Promise!

Higher gas prices makes better produce?

I was disappointed at Trader Joe's to see how small the oranges were. I bought them anyway and they have been fantastic, as sweet as any I've ever had. One nice side effect of high gas prices is that it has to put pressure on farmers not to grow big stupid watery oranges, since a larger number of smaller oranges can fit in the same load.

The economics of paper plates

It makes sense to buy two sizes of paper plates: one smaller and one larger. Most items are small, so if you were to use the larger size for everything, you are leaving all that surface area around the item empty and so probably paying too much and executing more trees than is necessary.

Better Facebook status updates

1) Don't write "is ___ing" anything. If you write "Dave Smith is thinking that dwarves are sexy", just change it to "Dave Smith thinks dwarves are sexy".

2) Don't tell us that you're eating or sleeping. These are things that everyone does already and uninteresting to boot. Tell us that you shot a pheasant today, or heard someone having sex next door, or cracked the Da Vinci code and are now flying to Paris.

3) It's ok to mention how you feel: this is interesting to others since people often keep their emotions behind locked door(s).

4) If you don't have anything interesting to say, it's ok not to say anything at all!

Why stop at 2?

The marine flatworm Pseudobiceros bedfordi has two penises with which they fence, attempting to smear sperm on the other without being fertilized themselves.

-- Power, Sex, Suicide

Brains have multiple pieces

A split second before I nearly stepped on that rattlesnake a few years back, some primitive lizard part of my brain knew that something was wrong (even though I didn't consciously know what it was), even as my leg continued to step forward and hit the ground less than a foot from the snake.